Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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