hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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