I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
