you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
