Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
