You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize