My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize