i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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