we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
