Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
