dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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