Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
