I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
