I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize