i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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