you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize