Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
