Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
