peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
