WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
