i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
