Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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