I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
