theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
