found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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