I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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