We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My penis needs a shock collar
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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