Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have aggressive nipples.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize