It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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