i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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