You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
