I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
