no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
