we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
