I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
