If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
