saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
