She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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