Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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