Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk is a universal language darling
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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