someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we made out on top of his cat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
