my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
