Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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