Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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