I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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