Do you still have your period?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
