3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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