hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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