So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
