Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
