So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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