Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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