Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
