Where is the hickey?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize