I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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