Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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