my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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