I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
