im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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