I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
