New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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