My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize