I CAN MOONWALK!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
