dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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