I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
