wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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