In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize