Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
