God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
