is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
