Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
