Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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