Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
