Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
