I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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