I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
