Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
