Cold hands, warm shart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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