And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
