Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
