'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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