chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
