Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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