we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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