I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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