Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize