In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
