well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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