goodnight i made you a song goodbye
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
