He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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