Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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