Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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