I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
