That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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