a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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