you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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