I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't notice because vodka
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
