i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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